I am trying so hard to realize what I do to myself when I cant let go of this haunting feeling... My chilling darkness seeps in and keeps me chained from everything I thought to be true. I get twisted in my thoughts and they spread over my surface and all I can see is blue... As beautiful as it can feel when I am chilled I lose sight of all the beauty too. The disaster takes over and I become the crashing wave that drowns me in all that I feel! I fear my own darkness more than I fear anyone else's for mine is the only one that can destroy me. If only I can find that sweet touch of warmth from the pain I rise upon myself so I know its okay to breathe it in. If I can find it in myself to not tear away and distance myself from all I am because hiding in a cave is never going to lead me to where I begin. My darkness keeps me hidden from even the only one that could understand it but how do you let someone into a place that has been so cold and empty for so long and only heard by yourself. How do you let go of the feelings of abandonment that has parted good and bad so far from the meeting line... This cold line that stretches the endless distances of warmth... A distance that's not so far in your mind but when I search for it outside it seems like eternal fears... and just when I thought nothing else could bring me to tears, my mind finds a place more alone by the years! I get lost but I don't know whether to embrace it or battle what is trying to come near... Where to go, where to steer? Its not fair to hand you all my weight too when each one of us have a battle within to break through. I just want to stop speaking to a reflection that just leaves me feeling the rejection. I want the storm to come for I long for when I can stand in the rain where somehow I don't feel the pain. The storm feels it for me, I just have to survive what I sent out to claim!
But I know its just my haunting mind that gets me every time.... Let it rain
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